i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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