dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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