i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize