I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
