have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
