Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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