would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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