Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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