literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
