I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
