sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize