I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
