there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
