She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize