so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
