All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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