u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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