She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
