I'm going to jail i love you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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