dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
