Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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