omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
