A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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