i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
