so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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