Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
