I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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