did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
