The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
