oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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