I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
