I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
