You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize