i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize