When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
