This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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