if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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