So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
