i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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