I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
