Dude my mom stole all your condoms
someone threw a dead crab at me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
