Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
