We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
