He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
