I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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