I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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