I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
