dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
