You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
