We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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