We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize