I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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