Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
