Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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