Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
