I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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