I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
