Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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