He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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