she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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