my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
