I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
