apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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