I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
