As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
