She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
