Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
