how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize