I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
