naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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