There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
