Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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