I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
home. puking in laundry basket.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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